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Nice to e-meet you! That's internet for Hello. And that's also about as far as I got in planning what to say in this thing...but as a lover of spontaneity and the inability to edit my own words because that would mean actually having an awareness as to the nothingingness that I am about to ramble on about for far too long...I'm just going to go ahead and keep typing. Apparently...

Is It Really Better To Burn Out Than To Fade Away?

I had a very emotional day yesturday. It started with a phonecall (as dramatic moments often do) from my dad. He said that he had just walked in the door from work to find a letter from my little brother on the table (little being 18 years old)...



This is what it said:

"I have decided to stop worrying about what everyone wants and expects of me and do what I want to do. I am eighteen years old and I feel that if I don't do this now I will regret it for as long as I live. I have packed everything in my car and I'm heading South. Tonight I will camp somewhere around Portland, Oregon. I have everything I need to get by and I know some people around the USA that will help me out. The only person that knows about this is Karla. So please pass it on to anyone necessary.

I am forever grateful for everything you have done (free of charge!) and I want you to know that I do hope to go back to school in September, even if it's just a few classes. I have my phone which I will use for free WiFi to send email when I can.

Please don't worry, I am prepared for what I need and I've been wanting to do this for a very long time. My insurance expires mid June so I should be back before then, if not a lot sooner. Please be aware I am not mad at anyone, and I hope nobody is mad at me for following my calling.

I love you all so much."

-Calvin

My little brother has always been pretty emotionally isolated and independent, he keeps to himself and therefore I think it's always been hard for him to have to deal with so much going on and never being able to properly talk about it.

My brother and I have a very strong bond and are very much alike in many ways. I think we understand each other better than anyone in our family, and therefore are accepting of each other. We are both laid back and have a relaxed view of life. My parents and sister on the other hand are not this way. They are very strict about the importance of school and work and this is obviously what got to my brother to the point where he needed an escape.


Ever since seeing the movie "into the wild" I have always told my brother that I know that this will be him one day. The boy who wants to break free of social norms and experience life in a different way. Although it always scared me because I would usually say it jokingly (even though I knew deep down it was true), and he reply by saying "i hope so".


He is a smart person and has a ton of outdoor experience (I think he is really only happy when he is off exploring), so I know that he will be fine and I am proud of him for being able to actually make the leap. But as a big sister, of course I will worry about him.

I sent him a text message that night that said

"I was wondering when you were finally going to do it. Just make sure that you make it worth while. Have fun and safe travels, xox"

I really hope that he finds what he is looking for and gets some answers. I think sometimes we all need to find our "spirit guide" as my brother calls it.

Best of Luck Chicken Legs.

5 Responses so far.

  1. TbR says:

    God...so many people talk about how much they'd love to drop everything and go off exploring, but so few have the guts to do it. I know I don't. That's immense. Hope he has a great time, and kudos for being such a cool sister ;)

  2. Alex says:

    Sounds like the kind of thing my brother would do... Well, in a way, he did it. Only he got on Craigs List and found someone elses car to drive across the country for a while... Sounds like a fun adventure, I hope that it works out!

  3. Your brother sounds extremely level headed, just from the note he left behind. I'm sure he'll come back with some amazing stories!

  4. Andhari says:

    Your brother sounds brave, independent and adventurous indeed. Best of luck to him, hope he writes you and update you from time to time.

  5. Gage says:

    that actually sounds very cool. I wish I had the guts to have done that when I was younger.

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