diary of a doll

My little brother has always been pretty emotionally isolated and independent, he keeps to himself and therefore I think it's always been hard for him to have to deal with so much going on and never being able to properly talk about it.

My brother and I have a very strong bond and are very much alike in many ways. I think we understand each other better than anyone in our family, and therefore are accepting of each other. We are both laid back and have a relaxed view of life. My parents and sister on the other hand are not this way. They are very strict about the importance of school and work and this is obviously what got to my brother to the point where he needed an escape.


Ever since seeing the movie "into the wild" I have always told my brother that I know that this will be him one day. The boy who wants to break free of social norms and experience life in a different way. Although it always scared me because I would usually say it jokingly (even though I knew deep down it was true), and he reply by saying "i hope so".


He is a smart person and has a ton of outdoor experience (I think he is really only happy when he is off exploring), so I know that he will be fine and I am proud of him for being able to actually make the leap. But as a big sister, of course I will worry about him.

I sent him a text message that night that said

"I was wondering when you were finally going to do it. Just make sure that you make it worth while. Have fun and safe travels, xox"

I really hope that he finds what he is looking for and gets some answers. I think sometimes we all need to find our "spirit guide" as my brother calls it.

Best of Luck Chicken Legs.

So for the last 2 weeks I have been desperately trying to win tickets that a radio station was giving away to Coachella, a huge amazing music festival in California. I came soooooo close so many times and got to know the people answering phones pretty well but in the end I was never the (says in radio station voice) "lucky caller".

In entering for this contest, they gave me the choice to automatically be entered to win all of their contests so of course I said yes as they often give away concert tickets and cd's etc.

The other day I got a phonecall which I didn't pick up because I never pick up phone numbers that I don't recognise because when I see the number I suddenly get anxious and start sweating, wondering who on earth could this unknown caller be?!?

Omg who is it? Who could this be? I don't know this number, how do THEY know MY number? Are they tracking me down? Stalking me? Omg are they outside my house RIGHT NOW?!?

And after pacing back and forth with the phone in my hand, being taunted to pick up or press silence, or do anything to make it stop, it finally goes to the answering machine.

And then I get mad when they don't leave a message, so I turn into a private detective who's mission it is to figure out who called me because it could have been really really important, or I could have just screened a call from God because who else could possibly be calling me from this number?!?

Unfortunately it usually turns out to be a man who doesn't speak english trying to get me to sign up for a credit card.

But I digress, back to the story... so I am one of those people who claims that I never win anything which is probably not true but I never seem to win anything too spectacular anyways.

My eyes lit up when I saw that this unknown number left a voicemail! I immediately checked it and as the lady on the message said *Hi, this is so and so from the Peak radio station calling to let you know that you've won....*

Oh my gosh, I am totally freaking out at this point, sooo excited that I've won tickets to the festival or maybe a million dollars?!?

I can't take the anticipation, my heart races....

and she says...

"...four tickets to the Vancouver Sex Show"

Never has my excitment faded so fast.

I could tell in her voice that even she was laughing in my face at the fact that this is what I've won.

i WOULD win ticekts to a sex show.

I start thinking, do they know?? Did someone tell them?? Okay, I know it's been awhile but what are you trying to tell me PEAK radio station?!?

Needless to say, I will not be attending.
The last thing I need is to go to a place surrounded by sex and people who are having sex, and all things sex related. This sentance alone is more than I can take.

*shakes fist and curses the universe*

Another weekend almost over and what better way to finish it than with working a 12 hour night shift in the emergency room. I'm not sure that I will be able to stay up as I am falling asleep at my computer as I type this. I will have to try and find an empty bed I can nap in :)

Friday night I went to the cutest little french cafe called Cafe Montmartre. It's a unique place covered in vintage prints and hanging bicycles from the ceiling and has a romantic vibe to it. It was bizarre because there aren't that many french speaking people in Vancouver but apparently they ALL go to Cafe Montmartre. You step inside and every single person is speaking french, including the staff. The menu was also very french (I of course had to get a crepe :)). And they had a live duet playing which made for a wonderful atmosphere for some drinks.



Saturday I went over to Alicia's place and as I was walking up the steps it was a little creepy because their entire house was pitch black. I knocked on the door and saw the shadow of Alicia coming to the door. Luckily, they are not vampires but instead good earthlings who were participating in Earth Hour, a one hour break of time where you are not to use any power. It was like a planned power-outage. I came inside to find her roommate and bf sitting at the table with only the glow of their faces from the candle light and a boardgame in the middle. I enthusiastically jumped into the game of *Would You Rather*, a game of twisted predicaments such as WOULD YOU RATHER eat 15 sticks of butter or the rest of micheal jacksons face. It made for some interesting conversations, and I got to know her roommates a little too well.



From there we watched some funny youtube videos and Alicia inroduced me to *kittens inspired by kittens* which if you haven't seen, it's a must. This little girl is hilarious and a little bit mad.

It got close to midnight and I decided to go home, only to have another friend call me on the way and convince me to come meet her at a dance club (actually, it didn't take too much convincing). When I got there, there was still a huge line to get in so I was just going to give up and leave but Audrey was not going to let that happen. She came out and made up some story to the bouncer about how I knew the bartender "jeff" and he was going to be sooooo mad if they didn't let me in and much to my astonishment they believed her and I got walked right in. This jeff character must be special too because apparently knowing him means you don't have to pay cover either.




It was a little overwhelming to be in a club where everyone was far too drunk, but we had fun dancing etc.

Now back to work!

10:00 on Friday morning and my mother calls me from work to say "start packing, I'm coming home from work now and we are going to vancouver island for the weekend with your aunts and grandma".

And one hour later, we were on our way.



I was really curious to see what odds and ends had made it into my mad dash of throwing whatever clothing I could find into my bag. Or perhaps more likely what clothes did NOT make it.




Its only about a 2 hour trip but you have to take a ferry boat across the ocean which is always my favorite part! Even though it was pretty cold and extremelly windy out, I absolutely have to stand outside on the deck and take in the view, hoping to see some killer whales (with no luck). But my anticipation did cause me a rather terrifying nightmare about them. They are just so mischeivious with their big white fake eyes and tiny real beedy eyes. And this only got worse when I told my mother about it and she replies by saying "oh my, you must have heard about that class of children who went to the aquarium and saw a killerwhale swim by the tank with a person in it's mouth" UMM NO, I DIDNT! But thank you for sharing. Apparently it was a trainer and yes, unfortunately he did die. Im officially petrified of killer whales now.





We stayed at the cutest little bed and breakfast type place which is quite remeniscent of the entire island.



It was rather cute to be out with my grandma and her 3 daughters. Whenever I go anywhere with my grandma she loves to spoil me rotten. My mom was rather jealous and said that I am not allowed to come next time because when I'm not there, SHE is the one who gets spoiled. They don't all get away like this very often, so the weekend was full of old memories and subsequently a lot of laughing.





We did lots of shopping, and walking through the city into little markets etc. And ate some delicious food including *the noodle box*. yummmm






And of course you can't go to Victoria without seeing 1. the parliment building and 2. the empress hotel (where the queen stays everytime she visits)




It was a very quick getaway but lovely none the less.

My mom decided that she wanted to fit in and get an iphone which I normally would encourage but knowing that this would mean a lot of time and energy on my behalf, I was more than a little hesitant.

However, she went ahead and got one anyways. I have been doing my best to explain every single tiny detail to her step by step by step but this is an example of how painful it has been (feel free to share in my grief)...



She comes over with a look of frustration and says that the phone is showing a message that says "invalid address" and she is completely perplexed as to why.

Note: she is on a page thats purpose is to set up her email.

She hands me the phone and on the screen is a blank space titled "Address (ex me@home.com)" and below that "Password".

In the space for her email address she had typed out our complete home address. As in our house number, street, and city. I didn't even know what to do other than laugh in disbelief. And of course she did not see any humor in this.

I couldn't help but wonder what on earth she had filled in as the password!

I spent today visiting with my Grandma's brother and wife and wanted to share their story with you.



Sam and Shirley.
They are both eighty years old.
Thave been together since they were seventeen.
They are pretty much inseperable.
In November, Sam had a heart attack.
Shirley called 911 and in the Ambulance on the way to the hospital, Shirley had a heart attack.
When Sam became conscious and was told about his wife, He had another heart attack.
The two of them had side by side beds in the hospital.
The staff had never seen anything like it. People from all over the hospital came to see it for themselves (and made sure to tell them that they were not to do any hanky panky in the hospital).
Everyone took pictures and retold their story.
They didn't mind.
They both had amazing recoveries and continue to be in love.

I had a fairly low key weekend which included seeing a few movies (Dear John which I thought was pretty terrible and Alice in Wonderland which was really good).



I decided to go rollerblading a few days which is one of my favorite things to do on a sunny day, especially because I can go straight from my doorstep to the oceanside and it is a lovely trail. I bring my ipod and dance along as I rollerblade which then makes me laugh because I think about how ridiculous I must look rollerblading and singing to the beat of a song that no one hears but me (and even more so because I am now laughing for seemingly no reason on top of the roller-dancing).



I also think this is a skill overlooked. Trying to change the song on an Ipod and rollerskate to the beat of a song is quite an accomplishment. Not to mention that I swear that kid from Big Daddy was following me because everytime I looked down to change the song there suddenly appeared a large stick infront of me.



I love to people watch so I usually take a break to sit on the bench and make up back stories to people's lives as they strolled by. Surprisinly I can be strangely detailed down to the collection of umbrella's said stranger keeps in her closet.



Today I actually lied (or is it layed...) on the bench and was looking up at the clouds which was one of those total flashback moments to being like 6 years old. I don't think I've actually stared up at the sky and truly watched the clouds roll by since I was a child, it was a weird but wonderful feeling.



On a side note, an old lady yelled at me for not wearing a helmet.

I thought I'd share one of my favorite poems with you...

Lending Out Books
Hal Sirowitz

You're always giving, my therapist said.
You have to learn how to take. Whenever
you meet a woman, the first thing you do
is leand her your books. You think she'll
have to see you again in order to return them.
But what happens is, she doesn't have the time
to read them, & she's afraid if she sees you again
you'll expect her to talk about them, & will
want to lend her even more. So she
cancels the date. You end up losing
a lot of books. You should borrow hers.


Hope your all having a lovely Sunday! I am off to my first wedding shower, hmm what to wear...

Last night I had a lovely time meeting up with Alicia and Stacy, an old friend that I haven’t seen much of since high school. We ended up sitting at the restaurant for hours just catching up and having a lot of laughs over old times. The whole night was so much fun but it started out with me (as always) being excessively early to the restaurant and my friends (as usual) being late. I blame myself because I knew they would be late but I still insist on arriving early.



As I was sitting by myself the bartender yells my name and says hi and I swear that I must have starred at him blankly for a good 7.22 seconds before it clued in to me who he was and said hi back, which was funny because all the guys sitting at the bar totally started laughing at him for saying hi to a girl who clearly had no idea who he was. I felt bad and talked to him after.

So anyways, as I was awkwardly sitting alone in the restaurant with nothing to seem important and less loser like other than my phone, so of course I was going through all the things I could possibly do to look as though it was no big deal, old text messages, sending new ones to people I don’t really want to text with but am just desperate for a text back, etc. so this is a copy of my bbm with Alicia….



-Are you still at dance?
-This is awkward.
-Omg you haven’t even read my message yet which means you haven’t even left yet.
-I’m that person.
-People are starring.
Alicia: haha I’m on my way!
-Oh thank goodness.
-Im in the lounge.
-Wearing a red ribbon in my hair so you know its me.
-Or you could just look for the girl crying alone in the corner.
-Or I could be the one making out with a random in the bathroom.
-OR I could be ALL THREE!
-I’ll just pretend that you texted back so I look like I have friends…
-Stand me up, it will be hilarious.
-I’m sorry. I didn’t realize that you were driving in from ALASKA!


She thought it was funny, I however, was less than impressed.

It’s a good day to get a happy award because I just so happen to be feeling quite happy today (wow that was a lot of happ in one sentence)!
Thank you to Tish @ Sweet and Sour for giving me this award!



10 things that make me happy are….

(I better stop myself from breaking into song and singing “Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens, bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens…” )

1. painting my toenails outrageous colours
2. high fiving strangers
3. reuniting at an airport
4. sliding across the floor with my socks on
5. walking barefoot in the grass
6. the perfect timing of “that’s what she said”
7. having someone play with my hair
8. unicorns and ninjas (or ninja's ON unicorns.)
9. pulling into a parking spot and turning the car off right at the end of song
10. A guy that’s 5”8-6”2, dark hair, maybe a bit of an untamed curl to it, little bit of a hipster type style, between 24 and 28 years old, has an accent, is a tad geeky but still cool in his own way, has a sense of humor without being over the top obvious funny, not fat but also not obsessed with working out, ambitious but still has time for me, and lastly (and I think quite obviously) someone who knows how to kill a velociraptor but would only ever do it in a life or dealth situation. Know anyone...?

Now to pass on the love,
Tom @ TbR-tangential
Alicia @ Back on the Block
Melissa @ Miss Melissa
Danielle @ Smelly Danielly
Tash @ Following My Free Spirit

If you haven't figured it out yet, I am a bit of a geek, especially when it comes to computer stuff. It was only a matter of time before I succumbed to blogging. So yes, I watch youtube videos and even have subscriptions to my favorites (I won't get in to my overwhelming infatuation with Philip Defranco), I go to geeky websites like xkcd (which you can't tell me is not hilarious!) and do whatever else it is that I would never admit to people in real life.


XKCD

So anyways, doing my usual geeky computer stuff I came across a little thing called chatroulette.
yes. chatroulette.



For those of you who have heard of this site, I can feel your agony and sorrow for knowing what I have witnessed and the so many things I have seen that can never be erased.



So basically this is a chatroom type site where you can webcam with people all over the world, one at a time. So you go on and immediately you are in a webcam convo with some stranger in japan or something. If you don't like the person or they don't like you, you click next and within seconds you will be on with the next stranger.



The problem with this site (if you really can't already see many), is that pretty much every second click of the *next* button is a 40+ year old naked man masterbating and asking to see your boobs. Most of them are pretty obvious and you can next them immediately (or not, if thats your thing...), but some are more clever, I had one guy actually sneak masterbate to my face without me even knowing! So if you ever try this site out I suggest you go with a 'hands where i can see them at all times' policy.



However, if you can get past this, you can actually have a pretty good laugh at some of the people on this thing. During my short time on the site I chatted with a person in a clown mask, a naked women doing a handstand, a guy in a cat suit, cartoon characters sticking their tongues out at me, a guy who danced the stanky leg for me and some hilarious posters. Not to mention people from all over the world. And of course being a girl, people love to talk to you because you are one of about 10 in a chatroom of over 20 000. I talked to one girl who let me in on her secret that when she see's a naked guy she pretends to cry and see's how long it takes them to next her.



Most of the people go on just to make fun of other people, so you have to join in and reciprocate. Not that I am suggesting you try the site out because I do not want to be blamed for the loss of souls.



My name is Brandi and I am ashamed to say that I chatrouletted.

Things are definitely looking up! Not only am I on the mend but I was given the beautiful blogger award from Cassie at starting from nothing and learning as I go. What a lovely gesture!

So this means that I need to list 7 random facts about myself...I'll give it a try!

1. I can't whistle. I've tried and I've tried but I just can't do it. I'm not giving up trying just yet though! One day it will happen

2. I only wear bras and underwear that match. I know this is silly (especially because trust me, no one is seeing them) but it makes me feel more put together. And while we are on fashion, I also refuse to wear brown and black together.

3. I have NEVER dyed my hair! And I have no reason as to why not, I've actually always wanted to it's just that I have dark brown hair, freckles and green eyes so I could never see any colour looking that good on me.

4. I LOVE candy! Especially those 5 cent candies you get at the corner store. The sugary-er the better! yummmmmm

5. I hate my knees (or lack there of). I long for knees that have character and definition. This is a weird thing to long for, I realize but if you had such stubby knees as I do you would understand.

6. I am extremelly painfully indecisive. I can not make a decision if my life depended on it. My friends and family have just come to accept that if I am with them they will have to chose where we go to eat and what we do for the day, and any other decision that will come up while we are together. Most of the time it's just that I am easy going and don't have a preference, but even when I do, I still can't decide.

7. I dont swear and I dont drink beer. My mom always raised me to be lady-like so I guess thats where it comes from (and also the fact that I can't stand the taste of beer). And the no swearing is actually kind of embarassing sometimes because I literally can't do it even if I wanted to. I am the 23 year old girl who still spells out the letters of the word when repeating what someone else said.

And I am so excited to be able to pass this award on to some other beautiful bloggers!

Sam @ Simply Sam
Violet @ Lovely Violet
Becky @ I'll go eat worms
Tim @ Deconstruction of Nothing
Emily @ One More Thing
Susie Q @ Out of the Ordinary

Since joining this blog and especially since joining 20sb I have felt so welcomed! I am loving it and everyone in the blogging community! And since meeting all you wonderful people I really want to join in on this trip to Vegas. "Bloggers in Sin City". It sounds like so much fun, I still need to look into it a bit more but if things work out I think it will be a blast to party in vegas with a bunch of 20 something bloggers! Anyone planning on going??

So I had said that the best part about being sick was that it gave me more time to blog but what I didn't exactly think about was that being sick means I have literally done nothing to blog about. In fact I actually haven't left my house (aka couch/bed) in days.

My biggest accomplishment over the last few days has literally been having a shower and that alone took more willpower and motivation than you could imagine. However it was much needed.

I'm up to date on reading/stalking everyone else's blogs, online shopping, reading, watching you tube videos and spying on the neighbours through my window (old school stalking).

I'm going to make it my mission to leave the house tomorrow. I think my pale body needs to see light and breathe fresh air again. I've become so much more of a geek, i didn't think it was possible.

And as if this wasn't bad enough, I even had to turn down a date tonight! He offered to come over and bring me soup but i'm not one of those cute sick people you see on tv. I am pretty much the most unattractive diseased person ever, my unattractivness even spreads over the phone.

I feel like the biggest outsider on facebook, I don't know who this Jake character is but apparently he is an idiot...?

Having said all that, things are starting to look up! And I hope to have more exciting updates soon!