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Nice to e-meet you! That's internet for Hello. And that's also about as far as I got in planning what to say in this thing...but as a lover of spontaneity and the inability to edit my own words because that would mean actually having an awareness as to the nothingingness that I am about to ramble on about for far too long...I'm just going to go ahead and keep typing. Apparently...

brushing off the dust

The first time I went to England to be an aupair, I knew that it was the sign of something big, but I never imagined back then that I would soon return, and under completely different circumstances.


Of course I went to England the first time with bright eyes and high hopes of falling helplessly into a romantic fairy tale of being swept off my feet by an English gentleman, but I can't say I was surprised when it didn't happen at the end of it. To be honest, chasing after four toddlers all day every day didn't leave much time for being swept off my feet, though I did get my share of fairy tales. 

Now that I am living out all of those dreams that I never thought could actually happen, it feels quite differently than I pictured it. Dreaming about being whisked away to another country by a handsome brit versus actually being here and planning a life for myself here, although still exciting, is very different. 

Now on my third trip to England, I can say that each journey here has been completely unlike the last. First as a innocent young girl, setting out on her own for the first time, living with complete strangers and caring for children.

Second time, taking the daring step towards meeting Andy for the first time and everything that came with that.

And now, being engaged, planning our wedding, having a home here, and trying my best to find my bearings. 

I can't say that things are perfect, and I equally couldn't say that things aren't going as well as I hoped, things are just different. I am happy here, and I love Andy more than ever, but I think it's more the reality that is sinking in more than anything. The realization that this isn't a holiday, that this is how things are now. This is the beginning of how the rest of my life will be. This is my new home; where I will go to work everyday, where I will raise my children, and where I will eventually grow old. 

I can honestly say that I never really saw myself doing those things in Vancouver either, I always had this instinct that I'd end up somewhere else, but being here doesn't make it any easier to picture. 

I miss my friends, and I miss my family, but I am still loving being with Andy more than anything, and genuinely loving what it means to have a real life with him. 

Every day I try more and more to figure out my place here, where I belong and so forth, and I think that I'm heading in the right direction towards putting down roots, but I've still got a ways to go. And a large part of me is excited to take those steps into the unknown. 

I have my good days and bad days, but through it all, I know I can count on Andy for support, and in reminding me what this is all for. 

Even with the sacrifices, I have so much to gain from being here, and have already had so many new and amazing experiences, all of which are quickly becoming part of my new English life.
Now put on the kettle!

x

putting our feet in the sand

The date is set. The invitations have been mailed. And most importantly, the dress has been purchased!
Things are finally coming together!

I always saw myself as quite a 'girly girl' in many aspects, but when it came to planning that fairy tale wedding, I was completely clueless. I always had ideas here and there of what I thought I wanted, but nothing serious enough to build a whole wedding off of.

I did my best to take it all on, but everything seemed a bit overwhelming and not as fun as I had hoped planning that dream day should be. It came to a point where I had kind of thrown in the towel and tried convincing Andy to elope...
He didn't go for it.

But in the end, we decided to go for a destination wedding, and couldn't be more excited!


So Mexico, here we come!
x

My Smile Won't Fade

For the last two weeks, I have been spending every last second with Andy. He came over from England for a short, but much anticipated visit. I had been missing him so much over our time apart, and seeing him again just reassured me all over again of how perfect he is and how much I want to be with him, no matter what.

From the second he walked through the gate at the airport, I ran over to jump on him with a smile not capable of fitting my face. From that second, that smile has remained in place, and still remains in my heart.

I had never given up on being a hopeless romantic, but I don't think that I ever completely believed in it to it's fullest capacity. Until Andy.

We made the most of our short time together, and I showed him all of the best parts of Vancouver, as it was his first (but surely not last) time here. It had been very busy, trying to fit in all of the sightseeing, with meeting friends and family, and still trying to manage alone time. It was really nice when we left for Ucluelet, Vancouver Island, with my mom, sister, and brother for the weekend. It was a mini getaway from all the rush, and the most magically beautiful place.


We had the most amazing time, and stayed in the fanciest resort I had ever seen. We were right on the ocean, and I couldn't have imagined a more romantic place to escape to.

The first day I was a bit haggard from the 5 hour drive + ferry ride, and despite Andy's 'gentle suggestion' that I make myself look presentable for our dinner out that evening, I was too tired to make any effort, which luckily didn't ruin things too badly.

The next morning, we had a lovely little breakfast together on our private patio, showered under the waterfall double spa shower, and headed out on a walk through the rainforest. It was a stunning walk along cliffs following the ocean, and through the tree's. We walked all the way along, until we came to the most beautiful viewpoint, up above and looking out onto the ocean, overlooking a view that was breathtaking. Andy had told me that he remembered seeing online that there was a geocache in that area, and sent me around the corner to go looking for it. Little did I know at the time, he was making it all up to secretly plant one of his own.


The first date that Andy ever took me on was to find a geocache, and it was a hobby that we had both been very fond of.

He called me back over and said that he vaguely remembered it being by a bench.
There happened to be just one bench at the top of the viewpoint, that I went over to, excitedly in search of a geocache.

Sure enough, as soon as I looked around the bench, I saw a little box under a hedge and pulled it out, beaming with joy (but nothing compared to what I was about to). I sat on the bench and handed the 'geocache' to Andy to open. He took off the lid, and inside was a ring box.

At this point I was still a bit embarrassingly oblivious to what was about to happen. I actually remember thinking that a ring box was a strange thing for someone to put in a geocache. Before I had a chance to say anything, Andy got down infront of me on one knee (eeeeee) and luckily, it was at this point, that I clued in. He made it short and sweet, and just held my hand and sincerely asked me to marry him.















I was in such shock that I was being proposed to. I really couldn't believe it. I remember I was smiling and shaking and thinking it couldn't possibly be happening! Despite the dream-like state I was in, I almost immediately said YES.


I genuinely never would have dreamed that Andy was going to propose to me on this trip. It was the best surprise I have ever gotten. I had always said that the most important part of a proposal to me was that I didn't see it coming, and he definitely did well on that point.


The ring was perfect, the proposal was perfect, and most importantly, my future husband is more perfect than I could have ever hoped for.

blowing out the candles

It's my birthday!
*was, my birthday
Here are some photos
















Thank you to my lovely friends/family and amazing boyfriend for making my day so very happy 
x

we breathe the air, we care

  My new job as a registered nurse has been exciting to say the least, but after being off work for a bit, and then on holiday, I am still trying to adjust to working full time (and without access to the internet!)

  I've only been back a few weeks and I've already had to send a patient to the ICU, pronounce a man dead (in front of several weeping family members), insert a nasogastric tube, and much much more! Although I've always had a bit of jealousy over people working desk jobs, there really is nothing else quite like being a nurse (in both a good and bad way).

  I don't think I really realized just how much I actually missed nursing for the few months I'd taken off. As much as I don't like working 12hr day/night shifts, and am already suffering loss of contact with friends/family, being back has been quite refreshing (although we'll see how long my overly optimistic attitude lasts).

  Caring for poorly people in their most vulnerable moments and sharing those experiences with them, is quite enriching and truly does give me a different perspective on things. I see other nurses who have become so desensitized to it all, and I just pray that I will never become that way. I think if I ever do, it will be time to move on.
For however long I stay being a nurse, I know that I am forever changed as a result of it.

At this point, my future is still very much up in the air, but for now, things are seeming to be on the right track.

x

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♥ kisses are a better fate than wisdom ♥

I never know what to expect when it comes to love. I never know what to expect when it comes to life either. Things don't always turn out the way that I plan for them to, and I am still trying to figure out where exactly this leaves me.

I struggle with needing an answer to my question of when. When will things finally fall into place? When will my life be in balance? When will we be together indefinitely?



It seems that no one can answer these questions; not even me.


I simultaneously gain and lose my sanity through Andy. Even though he still doesn't let me win at chess, he makes up for it with his charm (while I secretly learn how to pompously defeat him). This evening, he planned a 'date night' which consisted of blown kisses, technical difficulties, and taking turns reading each other a chapter from a book. Because we weren't on camera, he neglected to see my rosing cheeks and sparkling eyes whilst listening to him read aloud. 

Being so good at long distance is not a quality that I much admire, but the truth is, I only survive while counting down the days. 



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The Bear Necessities


  One of the many downsides of working shifts, is that I often have my days off during the week, when other's are typically at work. This means that on days like yesterday, when it was stunningly beautiful outside and I wanted to go for a hike, no one was around to accompany me. 

I don't think I've ever done a proper hike on my own before, but I didn't really see why I couldn't. I headed to a mountain I've done once before, knowing it wasn't that long of a hike and had some nice views from the top. When I pulled in the parking lot, I thought it seemed strange that there weren't many cars, but I figured it was probably just that it was still early, so I disregarded it and set on my way. 

It was so pretty outside. The birds were chirping, there was a slight breeze through the tree's, and the sun was still peeking through the dense woods. 















My high on nature feeling lasted until I got a bit deeper into the forest, and still hadn't seen a single other person. It was really strange to be completely alone in the woods (and yet, very aware of the fact that I was not at all alone).


I generally don't worry about things that I probably should worry about, but in this case there was definitely a looming anxiety hanging well within consciousness. There were a lot of warning signs for bears, but living in BC I have become accustom to ignoring them. 


Growing up with a very outdoorsy/nature savy family, I knew better than to go out alone without any sort of bear warning off equipment. I kept thinking that I was going to be that stupid girl in the newspaper that people don't feel bad for because they were so irresponsible that they probably deserved it. I remembered back to my camping days where my sister, brother and I were part of Jerry's Rangers (a BC kids program that taught kids about the environment, in which I was a star student). I thought about how disappointed Jerry the moose would be in me for not having a bell or whistle, or spray or something!! I remember them teaching us to always make noise, and they would get us to clap our hands to practice scaring the bears away as we walked. I spent a good part of my hike debating whether or not I was too proud to clap as I walked. I was going to be the stupid girl who got eaten by a bear because she was too embarrassed to clap. 


















Just as I got deathly startled by a bird and decided to give it a go, I realized that I could use my phone to make noise. I don’t have many fancy things on it, and it had no reception, so my only option was to scroll through the 5 second long ringtone previews.

This would have been an alright plan, although being that I was already quite nervous, it just so happened that a few of the default ringtones were unexpectedly menacing. This meant that I hiked through the forest, terrified of being eaten alive by a bear, to the fitting tunes of jaws, and the entertainer.















Considering that I had pretty much jumped out of my skin about 20 times by this point, seeing bears in every rock, log, and pile of dirt, I actually took seeing a real bear rather stoically. 

 












When I first saw the big black bear, it was minding it’s own business (or else extremely clever at deceit whilst secretly planning which limb to eat first). I think it gave me a false sense of comfort, and although I had just spent the last 2 hours planning out my attack (and by attack, I mean debating whether or not I should play dead or try outrunning it) for this very moment, I was captivated by it and wanted to see more. I took a few steps closer and stopped. The second that I stopped, it stopped, turned towards me, and stared directly at me with it’s beedy little bear eyes.

I was unbelieveably tempted to take a picture to show my naïve English boyf of my brave close encounter with a real bear, but he was staring me down pretty hard at this point and I’m pretty sure in the sizing up of it’s opponent, it knew quite well who had the upper hand.

Before it could get to the end of that thought, I backed up and quickly, but not too quickly to make it obvious, walked back along the path, glancing back every few seconds to make sure it wasn’t about to pounce on my back.

It was really actually quite neat! I think I have a big part of Elmira from the looney tunes in me, where I really just wanted to cuddle with it and love it forever and ever. I’ve also always had this sense that animals will like me and therefore not want to kill me. I think I might bring some honey for it next time, as a way of bonding.

The World Spins Madly On

For those of you who haven't seen it yet...



this is la vie en rose

Thank you for giving me the most amazing, inspiring, and memorable few weeks of my life. But even more than that, thank you for being the most perfect existence of a human being for whom I can extend my love to. 

I don't even know how to begin to describe the time we spent together. I am not sure that I have yet discovered words suitable enough to adequately explain the subtle yet life-altering changes that have blossomed inside of me since finding you. If I had, I would have whispered them to you the first time we met. 


I would be cliche and say that we complete each other, but I would feel as though I would be doing you an injustice, as you are the most eloquently whole individual that I could ever imagine. 


I am even willing to look past our horribly tacky rhyming names. 


And as I can't decide how to actually go about blogging this most wonderful of trips, I will just sum it up with a few photo's and memorable highlights



















  • Road trips where you held my hand in between switching gears

    • The time I kept slipping and you turned to me and said "that's one thing you can't tell online... clumsiness'
      • When you climbed over top of me in bed and asked me to be your girlfriend

      • Our many arguments about whether or not you could kill a bear

      • Posing inappropriately with the manikins at Warwick castle and getting in trouble for entering an off bounds secret passageway

      • Rolling pizza dough with a nun-chuck because we didn't have a rolling pin













      • When you gave me a piggy back to protect me from getting muddy, only to have me slip every few seconds in the mud while walking up Clent hills

      • When you turned to me in the car on the way to the airport, after ages of silence, and said "I promise I'll never forget how much I love you"

      Under English Skies

      I feel I've been a bit mysterious in my posts lately and I think that it stems from an uncertainty I've been feeling.
      I usually don't blog about people that I am serious about (which, not so luckily for me has been everyone I've had any contact with since the moment I started blogging) and this new person brought with him a lot of risk, which it has taken me time to feel comfortable with.

      So I guess now is when I should tell of our story.

      I've never had a real 'online relationship' with anyone, and believe me when I say I had my reservations towards them, but I suppose it kind of just snuck up on me unexpectedly over time. In fact, it was this very blog itself that led me to finding love.

      It's hard enough for my friends to accept that I blog, let alone falling for someone else in this crazy social networking interweb of a world. In fact, even I took some time to fully accept the realities of the dreaded 'we met online' thing. Dating a blogger has been interesting to say the least and I'm sure to provide more detailed examples in the coming posts, but for now we'll stick to the basics.

      Back at the beginning, back where this whole blog started, was on a promise that I made to myself to be more open to experiences and on taking more chances.

      I had been tested many times on this, and have done things that I never would have before. It's taken me to new places, to meeting curious people and I really must say that almost everything that's come of it has brought new light to my life, none moreso than him.

      When it came to deciding on a place to holiday as my graduation gift, I really couldn't imagine not giving this relationship the chance I felt it deserved. I had never physically met him, and I understood that from the outside everything that I was about to do questioned my sanity and my judgement, but it was something that I just had to do. And of course I wasn't completely alone. Although no one in my real-life world quite understood, he was always on the same page as me and inspired me with more confidence than I could ever have on my own. I knew that this was my opportunity to take my greatest risk of all, and even if it didn't work out, at least I wouldn't be left with a 'what if'.

      So what all of this gets down to, is here I am, typing to you from a certain boy's bedroom in England, where I came on instincts of the heart.

      And what has come of all this?
      I will put it simply and say, love.
      Lots and lots of love.
      x

      je t'aime

      When the person you love decides to take a leap of faith and fulfill all of your romantic hopes that you had started to believe only happened in films, by telling you those three small, but much anticipated words: "I love you"...you really shouldn't respond with "Oh my gosh, don't say that!"













      Thank you for loving me despite my inability to ever say the right thing.
      x

      beneath the spin light

      I always seem to want the things that I can’t have. But worse than that, I’d never admit that I couldn’t’ have any of them. I have an unrealistic view of the world where I think that anything, including the impossible is somehow attainable.

      You are my unattainable impossible.

      You’ve done something to me that I can’t explain. I’ve never been stricken so suddenly and so sweetly as I have been by you. Every sweet melody that floats in and out of my world reminds me of you. In fact, you now occupy my every thought, despite my resistance and the many consequences that come with any possibility of an ‘us’.

      My priorities have changed because of you. I'm not bothered with the normal inconveniences of everyday life. All that I want now is to spend the entire day in bed with you, exactly how you described, until the clouds roll away.
      It is thoughts such as these that seem to linger on my mind like eternity. 

      I've escaped into your world and there’s nowhere I’d rather be. A world where all of my worries fade away and the obstacles no longer exist. I wish more than anything, that this fantasy place were real and not just locked away within the confines of my heart.

      We will never have a flawless, ‘easy’ relationship. I’m sorry, I’m not that lucky. If you should fall for me in return, this is just one of the many flaws that you will have to accept. 

      This may be the only time that  I will mention you, but at least just this once, I had to. 

      My request is simple.
      Please take care of my heart. 


      comments?

      Santa Sandwiches

      Before Christmas, a friend of mine had invited me to join her in fundraising/making sandwiches that we would then hand out to the homeless. I loved the idea of it, and even more-so, I had recently been calculating my own self naughty vs nice list of 2010 and realized it was a bit slanted toward the latter... this good deed seemed the perfect last minute way of titling it in my favor.













      As soon as I got on board, people were already donating a ton. There ended up being a way better turn out than we ever expected, and even had a ton of local bakery's/shops donate bread/food to help out. We had planned on making around 200 sandwiches, but with all the money and items we raised, we ended up having enough to make 1000 sandwiches! 















      Not only did we put them all together, but all 90 loaves of bread had to be sliced. Along with the 2 full sized hams. And don't forget all 3 xx large blocks of cheese that needed to be cut.















      ...I made the peanut butter and jelly sandwiches.















      More than work, however; it was a super fun day! We even shared a bit of spiked eggnog and snacks during the process.
      We drove downtown to The Union Gospel Mission, who kindly offered to help us out, and handed them out (and even had some leftovers). Everyone was so grateful and it was a lovely feeling to know that we were able to give a bit of kindness to some no longer strangers.
















      For someone who loves sandwiches, I have a feeling I'll be holding off for a little while.

      I hope you all had lovely holidays!
      x