diary of a doll

I am supposed to be involved in this whole 'pay it forward' thing and instead of being the giver, I just got Big Gived.

 So I was having a mellow, kind of down day today where I did absolutely nothing and felt bad about it. I was frustrated and overall just feeling low. I decided that to feel better I would drive down to the Stanley park and sit at the beach and people watch. I got all ready, and just as I was about to leave, realized that my mom had taken the car so basically that idea was out of the question. I hummed and hawed and basically said screw it, I'm just going to rollerblade down the street and sit at the ocean.

I put on my music and picked a bench out of the way where I sat and wrote my frustrations in my journal. After about an hour, when the sun had set and most of the people had gone home, the French guitarist who plays music on the dock, walked by and started talking to me (or so I assumed, as I had my ipod in and just saw his lips moving). As I removed my earplugs and said pardon me, he asked if I had heard him playing. I felt like a prize fool as I was clearly blocking out his music to listen to my own. But it was not my intention, honest! I told him I have heard him play many times as I live nearby.

He inquired about my journal and asked if he could see it. He explained that he had taken graphology and if I'd like, he could analyze my handwriting. I of course insisted he do so! He said that in all of his studies he had never seen or heard of anyone who wrote with the book on a 90 degree angle (which I have gotten weird looks and remarks for all my life, not to mention scolded at school). He didn't know what to make of that but as far as my actual handwriting which he complimented me on, he said that it was extremely neat and organized. He said that it shows that I am the type who is happy to go with the wind but in doing so, needs to have reference points that guide me in some sort of general direction in life. I found this all very interesting.

He dropped his things and sat down beside me for the next hour while he talked to me about quantum physics and his 'home' in the woods where he watches his big screen tv that is the sky, and how I need to strive to be a 'wizard' like neo in the matrix etc etc. He said he found me very intriguing. Apparently he could see that I have a very pure soul and that no matter what horrible things that I see in this horrible world, I manage to keep that purity and raise my soul above it. He made me promise not to lose this quality, even up until my last breath of life. I have to admit he was a fascinating man to talk to (and not just because he was telling me how wonderful he seemed to think I was) and although I didn't know what he was talking about half the time, he did seem to be quite knowledgeable and insightful. It was a kind of spiritual cleanse so to speak. He gave me some really good words of wisdom and even if it all meant nothing, it was nice just to talk to a complete stranger and learn about his truly fascinating life.




At the end of our spiritual conversational journey, he reached into his dirty old bag and said that he wanted to give me something. I refused persistently, to which he pointed out that the fact that I was so uncomfortable receiving a gift meant that I don't receive enough of them (hint hint to all of you reading this ;) ). He gave me two of his CD's and explained the stories behind both of them. One was very close to his heart (he said he gives all the tourists the "bubble bath CD" which is the other one). The good one, named "with the eyes of the heart" in Russian, is a collection of songs that he recorded on a 2 month Peace Corps travel to Serbia and Russia. I really did feel awful about accepting it but he explained that this was not a gift from him to me but that he fully expected that I share it and pass it on as a type of 'pay it forward'. I wanted to explain that I am supposed to be paying it forward to him but it didn't seem appropriate.

If you are at all interested in this man, check out his website http://www.tobybeaulieu.com