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Nice to e-meet you! That's internet for Hello. And that's also about as far as I got in planning what to say in this thing...but as a lover of spontaneity and the inability to edit my own words because that would mean actually having an awareness as to the nothingingness that I am about to ramble on about for far too long...I'm just going to go ahead and keep typing. Apparently...

I'm Enjoying the Gale Force Winds

As much as I appreciate not having completely disastrous dates, as a blogger, it would really help to spruce up the story a bit. Unfortunately, my date last night did not leave me running for the door, actually, if anything he led me to the door before I even wanted to go home. Which I guess shows that it wasn't a wonderfully magical, birds singing kind of date either.

My friends having officially decided that I am cursed or just really unlucky, because pretty much every guy I have dated since my ex has been from outside of BC. I have to admit I do love getting the FOB text messages, such as the one I received on Canada day from a french-man that said "Congratulations with Canada Day!" I don't know what it is, and I promise that I don't do it on purpose, but it just happens all the time! I've gotten to the point where I don't even get surprised when the guy says, such as in this case, that he is from Australia. 

We decided to meet at the beach as there was a cute little restaurant there that if we felt like it we could stop at and get a drink or something. When I arrived, I called him to see where he was, and as he is not from Vancouver, was not at the right spot. So, being the kind person that I am, I had to walk about 20minutes to get to where he was. It was probably best that he just stayed put as he had no idea where he even was. 

We started walking along the seawall which turned into walking around the ENTIRE seawall, which is about a 2 hour hike of death lovely walk. But it gave us something to do while getting to know one another. However, if I'd of known that this is what the plan was, I would have worn a more appropriate attire. Not only that, but it was also the windiest day you could imagine. On my way to the park, power lines had been blown out, and tree branches were flying all over the place, so being on the edge of the ocean maybe wasn't the best idea, let alone having my skirt flying up to flash everyone in sight and my hair blowing across my face making me resemble cousin it. I know your thinking my ass is probably a nice sight to see ( I don't blame you) but I assure you that covered in spanx-like skin coloured tights with a run up one cheek is not all that appealing. But I sufficed, and did it all with a smile, even through the pain of the blisters on my feet. 

I shouldn't be allowed to take foreigners out in Vancouver either. I am the worst tour-guide ever, but I refuse to admit that and lie my way through every statement I make. Which turned out to maybe not be the brightest idea when I was pointing out what I named North Vancouver across the way, along with a nice story of how North Van is much more family oriented than downtown but a really beautiful place with some good shopping, and some other people walk by specifically pointing at the exact same place and referring to it as "Business-ey West Vancouver". Or the fact that I gave other tourists wrong directions when asked. You should hear some of the back stories I make up about buildings and other landmarks also. Maybe it's not as amusing to other people...

Oh and I forgot to mention, that this guy put me in the prime date slot of a Monday at 5:00pm! Can you imagine a more offensive time to be asked on a date? Not only that, but he also clearly (as I later found out) doesn't exactly have a job. So of all the free days off he has, which would be 7, I did the math. I got a Monday. 

So as we are walking along, and I am doing my best to fake in his excitement over the thousands of squirrels which just so happen to be my least favorite rat-with-tail infested animal, the wind is getting stronger and Aussie-guy doesn't seem to be getting any of my hints at turning around and heading back, so we continue on in true i'm-so-not-from-here fashion. Of course we get to the part of the wall that boarders a giant hill, so the walkway is quite narrow, hill on one side, ocean on the other. The waves start getting so big that they are literally crashing over the seawall and claiming complete ownership of my entire body, swallowing me whole like a million little slaps of water in the face. Over my dress, tights, and ballerina flats which now squish every time I take a step. Perfect!

But don't worry, because if that hadn't happened, they I wouldn't have had a nice base of soaking wetness for the next 20 waves that engulfed me. Oh and guess who was walking on the outside of the wall in this scenario! :) 

I felt a little like Cinderella (in a un-princesslike, un-blonde haired beauty-like, with an un-prince, kind of way) who absolutely needed to leave this situation immediately before I turned into the equivalent of a pumpkin as my hair which had been nicely straightened was quickly frizzing into it's natural hives-nest, and my false lashes glue which was now washed away, became loose and they started hanging off my face like some kind of spider desperately holding onto my real lashes and started to slip down my cheeks right behind my jet black eyeliner, and my previously figure flattering dress now sucked on for dear life right to my thighs s in its state of shock from the ice cold water.

As we neared the end of this lovely little journey, we noticed an Asian couple filming us (Asian's with camera's in Vancouver? weird). So I am sure I will be a hit on youtube any day now, probably titled "STUPID CANADIAN TACKLES WAVE, WAVE WINS".

Being as attractive as this was, he seemed to want to end the date early. He made a few comments about walking me back to my car, weird right? How could he not want to date this? *removes drenched strand of hair from face*

So naturally I begged him through my black tears to take me out and did my best to convince him that I'm not usually this unattractive, took his cue and went home. At 9:00. 

6 Responses so far.

  1. Booya says:

    Aww that sucks the date went so poorly. :( Don't sweat it Kise. You will defeat this dating curse.

  2. Kim Humes says:

    That does suck - but at least you have a funny story to tell! I've been there though, so I feel your pain! Once you go on a bunch of bad dates it gets old. You just have to keep getting back on the horse though and eventually you will find a good one (at least that's what people keep telling me :)

  3. Vanessa says:

    omg best blog yet!!! hahah I am peeing myself..."Look how pretty North Van looks across the water today!"..."Uhh Brandi, that is West Van"...hahahahaha

  4. I think this should be your submission to Tales from a Barstool!!! I agree with post yet!

  5. gosh this made me laugh so much!!! I have to follow you! Thanks for the awesome blog xxxx

  6. kisekae says:

    Thank you so much!!! xoxoxoxox

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