My photo
Nice to e-meet you! That's internet for Hello. And that's also about as far as I got in planning what to say in this thing...but as a lover of spontaneity and the inability to edit my own words because that would mean actually having an awareness as to the nothingingness that I am about to ramble on about for far too long...I'm just going to go ahead and keep typing. Apparently...

Life's not a Paragraph

After almost 5 years of post secondary schooling, I am down to my last 6 shifts EVER of my nursing education. On December 17, 2010 I will officially (pending any unforeseeable complications) have my Bachelor of Science in Nursing degree!!

I can't even begin to tell you the way that this makes me feel. Everything from wanting to cry my eyes out to screaming at the top of my lungs to kissing random strangers.

Everything I feel seems to be a contradiction at the moment. I'm happy but sad. I feel ready to start a new chapter but yet so unprepared. I feel both motivated and terrified.

Nursing school has given me some of the best and worst moments of my life and it amazes me to think how much it has changed me as a person. When I think back to all of the many patients I have had over the years, and how each one has had an impact on me. I remember being so excited to put on my first pair of scrubs, putting them on and showing them off to my family. And then my first stethoscope that I used to practice listening to heart and lung sounds on my poor sleeping dog. The first time I said "I will be your nurse for today".
I even still remember my first ever patient, Susan. I believe that she was in her 80's, unable to speak, other than little noises that she would make. She was adorable. Even in her hospital gown, with her many medical complications, she carried herself like a lady, and I respected that. I remember that I would sit her up every morning and do her hair, put on her blush, and paint her lips a lovely pink colour that she kept at her bedside. I remember thinking 'wow, this is MY patient...OMG this is MY patient!!!' I think I secretly repeated the words 'please don't die' hundreds of times in my head (and still do...).
Every little task seemed daunting and I didn't think I'd ever be able to do it. I actually have to pause and think now that I am actually here.

It took me a good year to come to the realization that when people yelled 'nurse!' They were actually talking to me.

I remember thinking how far away semester 8 seemed and how those students seemed like 'real' nurses. Back then I couldn't even begin to imagine what that must be like.

Back when every little thing was new and when the tiniest things made astounding impressions on me. I was so naive and so impressionable. To be honest, I'm still very impressionable. I like to think that I just take things to heart, even if I've seen them a million times.

Thinking back brings up a million memories filled with first's. From my first injection, to the first time a patient coded, to the first time I had a patient die and had to bag their body, all way back to the first time I saw a live birth and gave the baby it's first ever bath of it's little life. And then there was asking a patient if they've thought about suicide today, and asking a mother intimate details of her 'flow'. To be honest, these things have not gotten a whole lot easier to this day.

I don't think my memories of nursing school will ever leave me as they are so strongly embedded into who I now am. Certain patients will never leave my heart. Most specifically, my 4th ever patient, a 23 year old heroine addict and prostitute who has forever changed my life.

I like to think that in a way I will always be naive in the sense that I won't become tainted. Far too many nurses lose that, and I don't ever want to get to that point. I want to always have hope and bring hope to others. From all of the light that patients have filled me with, it is all I can do to try and give some of that back.

Even in it's worst moments, I love being a nurse.

11 Responses so far.

  1. very powerful post. how exciting that you're moving on to the next phase, congratulations! :)

  2. Nursing is becoming more and more technical and requires more sophisticated understanding of disease processes, treatments, and pharmacology. Nurses also want to be treated as professionals rather than semi-skilled workers. To these ends, the current trend favors four year degrees rather than the shorter programs. Many nurses opt to get a two year degree either at a diploma school or community college, then return to complete a BSN while they gain work experience. Some hospitals pay BSN graduates slightly more (mostly as an incentive to obtain a BSN), but the job assignments are identical.

    school scholarships

  3. Wow! Congratulations! I totally know how you feel, I think that the universe has decided that I will also get my degree in December, just a few days after you, so it's like...idk...a huge relief actually :P

  4. Sarah says:

    You talk about how patients have changed your life, but I'm sure you've changed the lives of those you've worked with as well. I know I still remember the kindness of the nurses who worked with my grandpa when he was dying. So thank you for all you do. You mean more than you know. I know you will be great!

  5. It takes a special person to be a nurse. Congratulations. You deserve it after so much schooling nurses go through. :)

  6. Lovely post lady. I so respect you for entering a career where you're helping people every single day. x

  7. gucci uk says:

    I do like your post ,totally high fashion...

  8. Anonymous says:

    Oh you lovely girl,

    I can imagine you whispering, "please don't die" as you do all the fancy, life-saving things that nurses do.

    You're such a wonderful person, B, I'm sure your patients feel it. People are terrified of hospitals and to have a smiley, humane nurse come in and take care of you- one who clearly cares, that's one of the most amazing things one can do for someone who isn't feeling so well.

    You have so many firsts that you've done as a nurse, but imagine how you are the first for so many people- that's amazing and a real gift. I'm certain people are so glad to have had you be their nurse.

  9. kisekae says:

    Wow! Such kind words from all of you! Thank you so much! xxx

  10. TbR says:


    I'm really pleased for you - it must be an incredibly feeling getting to the finish line after putting so much work in. And from the sound of things, you're a fantastic nurse, which can make so much difference to people in hospital.

    I hope you'll be naive forever, too ;)

  11. kay* says:

    aww this is such a beautiful post! it makes my heart smile to see someone who loves what they do and takes such pride in it.

    everyone should be so lucky as to have a nurse like you.

Leave a Reply