The first time I went to England to be an aupair, I knew that it was the sign of something big, but I never imagined back then that I would soon return, and under completely different circumstances.
Of course I went to England the first time with bright eyes and high hopes of falling helplessly into a romantic fairy tale of being swept off my feet by an English gentleman, but I can't say I was surprised when it didn't happen at the end of it. To be honest, chasing after four toddlers all day every day didn't leave much time for being swept off my feet, though I did get my share of fairy tales.
Now that I am living out all of those dreams that I never thought could actually happen, it feels quite differently than I pictured it. Dreaming about being whisked away to another country by a handsome brit versus actually being here and planning a life for myself here, although still exciting, is very different.
Now on my third trip to England, I can say that each journey here has been completely unlike the last. First as a innocent young girl, setting out on her own for the first time, living with complete strangers and caring for children.
Second time, taking the daring step towards meeting Andy for the first time and everything that came with that.
And now, being engaged, planning our wedding, having a home here, and trying my best to find my bearings.
I can't say that things are perfect, and I equally couldn't say that things aren't going as well as I hoped, things are just different. I am happy here, and I love Andy more than ever, but I think it's more the reality that is sinking in more than anything. The realization that this isn't a holiday, that this is how things are now. This is the beginning of how the rest of my life will be. This is my new home; where I will go to work everyday, where I will raise my children, and where I will eventually grow old.
I can honestly say that I never really saw myself doing those things in Vancouver either, I always had this instinct that I'd end up somewhere else, but being here doesn't make it any easier to picture.
I miss my friends, and I miss my family, but I am still loving being with Andy more than anything, and genuinely loving what it means to have a real life with him.
Every day I try more and more to figure out my place here, where I belong and so forth, and I think that I'm heading in the right direction towards putting down roots, but I've still got a ways to go. And a large part of me is excited to take those steps into the unknown.
I have my good days and bad days, but through it all, I know I can count on Andy for support, and in reminding me what this is all for.
Even with the sacrifices, I have so much to gain from being here, and have already had so many new and amazing experiences, all of which are quickly becoming part of my new English life.
Now put on the kettle!
x
You have such a lovely blog. :)